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The 2024 Family Holiday
Survival Guide
Keeping Your Cool When Family Drives You Crazy
Photo: Dan McLanahan
Mishaps Are De Rigeur
My sister-in-law once mistakenly used two cups of salt instead of sugar in her ricotta pies and, as expected, there were leftovers.
Fast-forward a few years after “the incident,” to when my brother unleashed my father’s seldom-tested electric carver on the turkey. There was more shredded bird on the counters and cabinets then the serving platter but we still managed to have a nice meal. His followup performance the following year featured an oyster stuffing that sounded promising. But then he got distracted with the football game, lost track of time and when the smoke detector finally got his attention, pulled from the oven something that resembled a brick of seasoned charcoal.
We all have our horror stories, but let’s face it – the holidays are almost at our doorstep and with them comes the annual tradition of family gatherings that somehow manage to be simultaneously heartwarming and anxiety-inducing. The familiar faces are heartwarming, but the stories have all been heard before and we quickly remind ourselves that while it’s a delightful gathering, it does have an ending. You remember that Aunt Karen’s political views haven’t evolved since 1962, Uncle Bob thinks “constructive criticism” is his love language, and your mother-in-law’s passive-aggressive comments about your cooking could qualify as an Olympic sport.
Fear not holiday warriors! We’ve crafted this fun and essential survival guide to help you navigate the festive chaos while maintaining your sanity (and possibly even enjoying yourself). Whether you’re traveling to the family compound or hosting the circus at your place, these 10 strategies will help you prepare for every holiday curveball your loved ones throw your way.
The Pre-Game Strategy: Prepare Like It’s a Military Operation
Before you even begin to dive into the deep end of family dynamics, set yourself up for success. Create a peaceful sanctuary in your guest room or designate a quiet space in your home. And if you have one, let your guests know that the toilet doesn’t work in a remote bathroom and make that your panic room. Stock up on stress-management essentials – many people find tinctures or gummies helpful for maintaining calm without feeling altered. Think of it as your holiday survival kit: noise-canceling headphones, calming supplements, and perhaps a secret stash of chocolate that’s definitely not for sharing with the kids.
Essential Tips:
– Pack a “peace of mind” kit that includes your go-to stress-relief solutions, and rescue remedy in travel sizes.
– Set up a designated quiet space or escape room before anyone arrives, complete with comfortable seating and relaxing lighting. Don’t forget about that panic room. It could save you and serve double duty as a disposal for any food that finds itself mysteriously wrapped in a napkin.
The Art of Strategic Scheduling
Remember: you’re not filming a holiday movie that requires 72 straight hours of family togetherness. Schedule breaks. Take walks. “Suddenly remember” important work emails that need immediate attention. If you’re staying with family, book a hotel room instead of sleeping in your childhood bedroom (where your mother has preserved your NSYNC or Brittney posters in pristine condition since 1999).
Essential Tips:
– Block out specific “me time” in your calendar, even if it’s just 20-minute intervals. Could be an unavoidable catch-up “hello” with an old pal. Or make something up.
– Set up a group chat for coordinating schedules and managing expectations prior to the gathering.
The Zen Master Approach
Before the gathering, develop your own calming ritual. Some people swear by morning yoga or meditation. Others find that natural sleep products help them rest better the night before big family events. Whatever works for you – just don’t attempt to achieve inner peace solely through eggnog consumption. We’ve all been there, and trust us, it doesn’t end well.
Essential Tips:
– Start your day with a 5-minute meditation and wellness routine.
– Create a calming spotify playlist for quick bathroom breaks or bedroom retreats.
The Conversation Navigation System
Prepare a mental list of safe conversation topics. When Great-Uncle Frank starts his conspiracy theories about squirrels controlling the government, you’ll be ready with, “Hey, did anyone see that new show about penguins?” Master the art of the subtle subject change. It’s like being a conversational ninja, but with less throwing of stars and more throwing of topic diversions.
Essential Tips:
– Keep three fail-safe, non-controversial topics ready (think: Netflix shows, pets, or weather).
– Master the “refresh and redirect” technique: offer to refresh drinks as a way to change topics.
The Dietary Defense Plan
Holiday meals are battlefield enough without adding dietary restrictions to the mix. If you’re hosting, plan ahead for everyone’s needs. If you’re visiting, eat before you arrive. Nothing fuels family tension quite like hunger combined with passive-aggressive comments about your new vegan lifestyle. Consider incorporating CBD-infused beverages or oils into your daily routine – many people find them helpful for maintaining equilibrium when faced with comments about “just trying a little bit” of Grandma’s famous bacon-wrapped everything.
Essential Tips:
– Keep infused mints or gummies handy for quick stress relief between courses
– Pack protein bars and healthy snacks for emergency hunger management
The Boundary Setting Blueprint
Establish your boundaries early and stick to them. When Cousin Sarah starts her third MLM pitch of the day, it’s perfectly acceptable to say, “That’s fascinating, but I need to go alphabetize the spice rack.” Remember: “No” is a complete sentence, even during the holidays. So is “I need to check on my sourdough starter” – whether or not you actually have one.
Essential Tips:
Practice spinning the excuse wheel with a few polite but firm exit phrases before the gathering.
- “I’m going to get some air – I think all this rich food is getting to me”
- “Let me go check if any of those Amazon packages got delivered – they’ve been leaving them in weird spots lately”
- “I should probably call and check on [pet’s name/elderly neighbor] real quick”
- “I need to take my evening medication” (works especially well after dessert)
- “My throat’s feeling scratchy – going to grab some water and honey” (takes a while to make, gives you a good break)
- “I’m going to put on a warmer sweater/grab a light jacket” (can take as long as you need to “find” the right one)
- “Let me go put on coffee/tea to go with dessert” (gives you kitchen sanctuary time)
– Set a clear arrival and departure time, and stick to it like your sanity depends on it (because it does).
The Self-Care Survival Kit
Pack (or prepare) your wellness essentials. This might include:
– Stress-support supplements (many find CBD products helpful)
– A meditation app (because sometimes you need guided breathing exercises in the pantry)
– Comfortable shoes for strategic escape walks
– Headphones for “accidentally” not hearing problematic comments
– A journal to document the chaos (future comedy gold)
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Essential Tips:
– Set phone reminders to take your regular stress-relief supplements
– Pack a “tension tamer” kit: lavender roll-on, stress-relief gummies, and noise-canceling earbuds
The Host/Guest Harmony Handbook
Whether hosting or visiting, clear communication is key. Establish expectations about arrival times, departure dates, and sleeping arrangements before anyone shows up with their emotional support peacock. If you’re hosting, create a schedule that includes designated quiet times. If you’re visiting, respect house rules while maintaining your own boundaries – yes, even if your mother insists on doing your laundry “because you never fold it right.”
Essential Tips:
– Create a shared digital schedule for bathroom timing and quiet hours.
– Keep CBD sleep products and calming tea readily available for all guests.
The Physical Wellness Warrior
Maintain your exercise routine – it’s not just about staying fit, it’s about sanity. Many people combine their fitness routine with wellness products like pain freeze muscle balms for recovery. Plus, “going for a run” is an excellent excuse to escape hour three of your sister’s detailed explanation of her kid’s soccer statistics.
Essential Tips:
– Download a 10-minute hotel room workout routine
– Pack CBD muscle balm for post-“escape walk” relaxation
The Perspective Keeper
Remember: despite the chaos, these gatherings often become the stories we laugh about later. Keep a sense of humor about the dysfunction – it’s your family’s brand of normal. Many people find that maintaining their regular wellness routine, including natural supplements like CBD products, helps them stay balanced enough to appreciate the comedy in these situations.
Essential Tips:
– Keep a humor journal to document the chaos (future therapy material!)
– Take a daily CBD wellness supplement to maintain emotional balance
Share This Guide if You Care!
While the holidays can feel like an endurance test of family dynamics, you’ve got this! With the right preparation, boundaries, and support systems (including stress-management tools like CBD products), you can navigate family gatherings with grace, humor, and your sanity intact.
Holiday Survival Guide 2024 has made its debut!
Recommended Reading: How to Survive the Holidays